Attention Deficit: Stop. Look. Listen!

25 03 2011

“If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay…”
— Oprah Winfrey

Ladies, I know you all have heard the above quote over and over again…but it is so true and right on point.  Today’s lesson is “stop, look, listen and react accordingly.”

We are nurturers.  We want to encourage and nurture relationships with the men we like, find attractive (physically, mentally and spiritually) and who we *think* could be good for us…and truly there’s nothing wrong with that; however, we sometimes make the mistake of projecting our own personal expectations on that of men who (for whatever reason) are not in the same space or on the same page with us. 

Have you experienced that euphoria of just getting to know someone you really like…he seems to get you…you get him.  There’s chemistry, mutual respect, lots of flirting.  You want to dig deeper, spend more time together, see what happens…BANG…road block suddenly appears, and you are like…what the heck just happened.

In an effort to explore this phenomenon, I’ve done an informal poll (no it’s not scientific, but close enough for my purposes).  I’ve discovered that when “he” senses that you like him, the man doesn’t think he needs to step up his game anymore…that he doesn’t even need to try.  So, this is the point in the “getting to know you” period where the “I was just thinking about you” calls and texts stop…this is where the late night phone calls and flirting sessions end….and (drum roll please) where the push to spend quality time with you all but disappears.  Ladies, if you find yourself being the one who is continually suggesting that you all hang out, that you all should talk or that you all need some quality time together…just STOP!  Simply stop, look around and listen to the quote above in your mind “If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay…”

It’s a truly simple concept.  If a man wants you (meaning wants to see you, talk to you, etc.) he will make it happen, regardless of how busy he is.  So ladies, let’s just stop…get out of the driver’s seat and let the men pursue us.  That way, we won’t need to second guess…AND most of all, we will get the attention we seek and crave. 

I would love to hear your thoughts on this one. Fellas, you are welcome to reply.

*photo courtesy of http://www.jessewilliamsonline.com/photos.php

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Categories : dating, love, relationships, Who I'd Like to Date, Who Not To Date

Good Clean Fun: Celebrating National Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day (NWGHAAD)

10 03 2011

Join Red Pump Charlotte as we celebrate the day this evening at Vertical Tease Fitness:
In commemoration of National Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day, join Red Pump Charlotte as we Paint the Night RED. This fundraiser event will take place at Vertical Tease (Tease Fitness Boutique). Come out and learn more about The Red Pump Project and how you can become a Red Pump Rocker.
BUT WAIT…this event isn’t your average informational meeting. The night will be filled with food, laughter, education, fun and a special tease pole party. Vertical Tease will teach basic pole techniques, a sexy chair routine and give you a great workout all at the same time.
Red Pump Project – Charlotte hopes to advance HIV awareness and obtain new Red Pump Rockers to help achieve our 2011 goals. We have the power to change our world; let’s join together and do it. Everyone who attends will have the opportunity to join Vertical Tease at a discounted rate of $45.00 for one month of unlimited classes. JSW Media Group is a media/promotional sponsor of this event.
Event Information
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Doors open 6:30 PM
7:00 – 9:00 PM

 

Vertical Fitness
2125 South End Drive, Suite 251
Charlotte, NC 28203
Enter the double doors and use the call box to dial Suite 251 to be buzzed in!
$20.00 (Proceeds benefit The Red Pump Project)
Rock your Red Pumps and Comfortable Attire

For more information, email Brittani Menina, Red Pump Charlotte Ambassador, The Red Pump Project at redpumpcharlotte@theredpumpproject.com.


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Categories : Events & Happenings, Girls Night Out, relationships, Sex

V-Day Fast Approaching: Take Cover!

9 02 2011

I’ve been  happily/unhappily (depends on my mood at the time) single for a few years now.  I can’t count the last two major “relationships” as true dating experiences…let’s just say they were “complicated” to say the least.  Nevertheless, let’s get back to the issue at hand, for  the last three (more than that perhaps) I’ve been dateless on Valentine’s Day.  Most of my male friends don’t seem to understand the severity of this situation because, well, because they are guys.  Yeah, guys get lonely and everything…but I think for the most part the pure unadulterated sentimentality of the occasion completely escapes even the most savvy and sensitive  of my male friends.  In my experience, men think (erroneously) that just because V-Day is not a big deal to them, that it doesn’t matter.  Yes, people, I get it…it’s just a day.  But I am one of those types who is a genuine romantic…I like the big gestures (flowers, gifts, jewelry, sue me–my early loves spoiled me in that sense…high school boyfriend always brought roses when he came to take me out, college boyfriend loved buying cards, stuffed animals, going on trips together, and the steady “thought I was going to marry him” boyfriend that I had as an adult knew how to surprise a sister with jewelry, well written love notes and planning romantic nights out…so yeah, I admit it, my standards of what I call romantic gestures are kinda high.   But honestly, I repeat, honestly it is all about the sentiment all year long.  If you are kind and loving, then an extravagant V-Day isn’t necessary at all.  Ultimately, this day is simply about the outward, public display of how you should treat each other all the time.  Agree or disagree, I just think it’s cool to pick one day to go all out.  It’s V-day people…it’s supposed to be fun, carefree, romantic and loving.  And if you don’t have a V-Day partner, no worries, he or she is on the way.  In the interim, take yourself out on a date and have a ball.  You only live once–enjoy each moment to the fullest!

Fortunately, I am not one of those bitter types.  For the first time in a VERY long time, I am truly enjoying the dating game.  I like the current prospects at the moment (all super cute, driven, smart, confident, etc. etc.) so I am enjoying the pursuit.  So in observance of the day, I’m going to enjoy two of my guilty pleasures–reading trashy romance novels and watching cheesy romantic comedies from the 80′s and 90′s…I will be just fine:-).

If you do plan on making the day special for someone, check out T-Strong’s suggestions for a fun V-Day:

T. Strong Spices Up Valentine\’s Day on Fox Charlotte


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Categories : dating, relationships, Who I'd Like to Date

Supporting Our Men

3 02 2011

I think that some times we get so caught up in the drama of relationships and dealing with “wrong” ones that we forget to support the men in our lives who are actually trying to make a difference, live up to their God-given potential and be the leaders and heads of the household that they are meant to be.  We forget about the men who embrace and value our independence and success–without perceiving it as a negative.  They understand that our independence is only a reflection of us preparing ourselves to be fully equipped as a capable partner, wife and mother to their children…These men  see the worth of having a well-adjusted, strong, mover and shaker in her own right, by his side…As I said before, a strong man isn’t afraid of a strong woman because they know a strong woman will be able to handle any situation, does not invite drama into the relationship  and knows how to relinquish the driver’s seat to her man when appropriate and necessary…

Last night I attended the My 1st Suit Launch Event, and I was impressed by all of the men I met who were on top of their game…all types of men: married, single, engaged,  etc who were there treating all of the women in attendance with respect, showing their support for a community initiative and just being great to each other…It’s refreshing to see and experience.  Renewed my faith in the male species, lol…To learn more about the My 1st Suit initiative, click here.

Music Pick for today…seemed appropriate for today’s discussion:-)

Ne-Yo – Miss Independent


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Categories : Events & Happenings, relationships

No Apologies: Pretty Girls Rock

19 12 2010

Okay, so this may come off as a little arrogrant.  That is not the intention at all–please consider the previous statement my official disclaimer. 

Now on to the “controversial” semi-arrogant rant. 

I’m sick of apologizing for being a good catch.  I can unequivocably say that ALL of my close female friends are attractive, professional, loving, caring, intelligent, single, never been married women who have common sense and aren’t bringing a tremendous amount of baggage into a relationship…yet, we struggle to meet “available, well adjusted men” …I admit, I do have what are seemingly high standards…I would like  a gentleman who I date to have teeth, a job and decent noun/verb usage ability (I’m sorry but if you have to ask me what every word means when we chat on the phone, we are not compatible…period). 

Some of the men that I have had  candid conversations with regarding this subject give the same tired excuses…”Those type of women are intimidating.”  WHATEVER, dude man up, get it together and go for the challenge instead of the easy, you may just be pleasantly surprised…in my experience, men have had a tendency to project their own insecurities and subsequently convince themselves that is how we will perceive the situation.  Those same said men will then go in hot pursuit of women with multiple responsibilities that we do not currently possess i.e. those ladies  may have several children–not child, divorced or separated, currently dealing with “baby daddy” drama, no job, no aspirations, needy, looking for someone to financially “take care of ” them, etc, etc…whereas the “independent” women I speak of are truly looking for a partnership, not a bailout. 

It’s frustrating to have to constantly be put on the back burner because we did everything by the book…we went to school, exercise decent social graces, we didn’t have children before marriage, take pride in our appearance, we appreciate our friends and family…and the list goes on.  I don’t think there is a real answer to this.  I’m just venting for my friends (I’m resigned to the reality of the situation…it is what it is).  So  the following video is dedicated to my girls.  You all are gorgeous both inside and out…and to my girls with kids and are divorced, don’t take offense, it’s just that sometimes we single, never been married gals in our 30′s sometimes feel like you all get a free pass when we don’t.  But rest assured, I do realize that we are still in the same boat:-).   Enjoy peeps!  As always, respectful comments are welcomed.


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So what?

2 11 2010

Yes.  Dating in Charlotte sucks.  There is no other way to sugar coat it.  It just sucks beyond belief; identifying and subsequently spending time with actual “eligible and AVAILABLE” men in Charlotte proves to be, at least most of the time, a Herculean task.

The truth is I’m tired of hearing myself complain about it.  I’m literally sick of the sound of my own voice when it comes to discussing the lackluster dating scene in the Queen City…so, you ask, what is my solution: “So What.”  My solution is to suck it up and deal with the situation as it is until I (a) move, or (b) move. 

So, ladies, if you are dealing with a similar scenario, just throw up your hands and say “So What.”  It frees you in so many ways…

So what if he doesn’t like you…he’s not the one.

So what if you didn’t get that call…he wasn’t worth your time

So what if you didn’t get married by the time you were 25…you weren’t ready yet

And the “So What “ list goes on.  

I mean, really, So What.  There are far deeper issues in the universal aside from if I have a date on Saturday night. 

There are so many things that I am grateful for, that I am taking today to say “So What” to the things I can’t change.  Agree with me or not, I just don’t have the energy or inclination to complain anymore.  I’d rather spend my time working on “me” so that when God sends that special fella, I’ll be ready mind, body and soul.


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Intentional Dating: Time to Try Something New

9 09 2010

As we have all heard, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, yet expecting a different result.  Dating is no different. And there is nothing wrong with seeking help sometimes…Dr. Darshana Hawks (known as Dr. Dar ) is a licensed relationship expert and life coach who is holding an online dating course that shows you how to date intentionally.  Don’t let the title scare you away…so click on the flyer, sign up for the class and see what happens.  It can’t hurt.  How much is your happiness worth to you?

Stop Being Single Now: The Stop Being Single Now course focuses on helping you become ready for and attract your soul mate. You will be guided through the important steps of learning the skills and tools needed to find your life partner and create a successful and fulfilling committed relationship. Being clear about who you are along with what you want and need to be happy and fulfilled is the key to finding the love of your life. This eight-week workshop runs Saturdays, September 11 through October 30, 2010 from 10:00 to 11:30 a.m. E.S.T.


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Categories : dating, relationships, Things I find On the Net

My Soundtrack…

26 08 2010

I love Mary J. Blige…her music reminds me why I love being such an unpredictable, passionate, over the top romantic…the lyrics of this song truly epitomizes how l love to  feel when I am in a relationship…Just thought I’d share:


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Categories : love, relationships, Things I find On the Net

Date Night Recap

10 08 2010

So…the date was nice, very nice.  A love connection?  I’d have to say no.  However, it was super incredible being pampered and treated like a lady by a man who takes the art of chivalry (and it is most definitely an art) so seriously. Not only was every door opened, but I felt like a delicate flower that he wanted to protect for the evening.  An interesting experience for sure.  Most of the time the guys I meet love to remind me of how strong and independent I am.  And don’t get me wrong—I am, and I enjoy being defined that way; nevertheless that doesn’t mean there isn’t another side of me that enjoys being treated like a “woman.” I enjoy the company of strong men who know when and how to take the lead–without being overbearing, condescending or arrogant.  A strong man knows how to treat a strong woman.  So yeah, not sure about a second date…like I said no love connection, but I did meet a genuinely nice guy, had a wonderful evening and found out that chivalry wasn’t dead after all.  Who knew?

But at the end of the day…I’m SUCH a romantic.  Hence the reason why this song hits me hard every time I hear it:  Enjoy the video:


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Categories : Dates, dating, love, relationships, Who I'd Like to Date, Who Not To Date

Bookshelf: His Ingredient Label

26 07 2010

So along with my own personal thoughts about this crazy thing we call dating, I also like to introduce my readers (all three of y’all, lol) to resources that can assist and point us single gals (and guys) in the right direction.  Author and Healthy Relationship Activist Jennifer Tardy has written a great book to help us recognize the “junk”  in men we are date and/or are attracted to…

About Jennifer Tardy & Her Debut Book His Ingredient Label: A Woman’s Guide to Recognizing A Junk Food Man 

As a former native of Hurt, Virginia, J. M. Tardy grew up like any small-town girl. Curious and insightful, she has always been very curious about the big world around her. She graduated from Gretna High School and then went on to receive both her bachelor’s and master’s degrees from Virginia Tech, in Blacksburg, Virginia. She currently resides in Charlotte, North Carolina, where she works in the nuclear industry as a human resources professional. As an HR professional, her research has long been in understanding the behaviors of adults in the workplace. She also sources and attracts the best and the brightest talent. Her next goal is to further her behavioral research while attaining her Ph.D.

It wasn’t until she realized that many of the single women that she knew seemed to be asking the same relationship questions, going through the same experiences, and justifying their actions with the same reasoning that she was able to make sense out of her own life experiences. It wasn’t until recently that she even knew what her gift was: encouraging healthy relationships and healing broken hearts.

Her books stem from her personal research and the stories told by others. She wants each volume to grow as she grows and experiences new challenges in life. She knew that she had found the secret to healing a broken heart, but didn’t believe it was fair to just share this information with her girlfriends; she wants to share it with the world; and with this collection of books, she is sharing it with you. Visit her online at www.JenniferTardy.com.

Current Project:  His Ingredient Label: A Woman’s Guide to Recognizing a Junk Food Man

 

His Ingredient Label shows you how men are like foods to which you can become addicted if you don’t control yourself. It helps you to recognize how your own decision-making can be the first step to a healthier relationship, and it demonstrates how to recognize the true character of a man by investigating what he is made of.  This is the first volume in the Forever Tardy, but Never Late Collection.

To purchase your copy, click here


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