Category Archives: Who Not To Date

Attention Deficit: Stop. Look. Listen!

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“If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay…”
— Oprah Winfrey

Ladies, I know you all have heard the above quote over and over again…but it is so true and right on point.  Today’s lesson is “stop, look, listen and react accordingly.”

We are nurturers.  We want to encourage and nurture relationships with the men we like, find attractive (physically, mentally and spiritually) and who we *think* could be good for us…and truly there’s nothing wrong with that; however, we sometimes make the mistake of projecting our own personal expectations on that of men who (for whatever reason) are not in the same space or on the same page with us. 

Have you experienced that euphoria of just getting to know someone you really like…he seems to get you…you get him.  There’s chemistry, mutual respect, lots of flirting.  You want to dig deeper, spend more time together, see what happens…BANG…road block suddenly appears, and you are like…what the heck just happened.

In an effort to explore this phenomenon, I’ve done an informal poll (no it’s not scientific, but close enough for my purposes).  I’ve discovered that when “he” senses that you like him, the man doesn’t think he needs to step up his game anymore…that he doesn’t even need to try.  So, this is the point in the “getting to know you” period where the “I was just thinking about you” calls and texts stop…this is where the late night phone calls and flirting sessions end….and (drum roll please) where the push to spend quality time with you all but disappears.  Ladies, if you find yourself being the one who is continually suggesting that you all hang out, that you all should talk or that you all need some quality time together…just STOP!  Simply stop, look around and listen to the quote above in your mind “If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay…”

It’s a truly simple concept.  If a man wants you (meaning wants to see you, talk to you, etc.) he will make it happen, regardless of how busy he is.  So ladies, let’s just stop…get out of the driver’s seat and let the men pursue us.  That way, we won’t need to second guess…AND most of all, we will get the attention we seek and crave. 

I would love to hear your thoughts on this one. Fellas, you are welcome to reply.

*photo courtesy of http://www.jessewilliamsonline.com/photos.php

Date Night Recap

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So…the date was nice, very nice.  A love connection?  I’d have to say no.  However, it was super incredible being pampered and treated like a lady by a man who takes the art of chivalry (and it is most definitely an art) so seriously. Not only was every door opened, but I felt like a delicate flower that he wanted to protect for the evening.  An interesting experience for sure.  Most of the time the guys I meet love to remind me of how strong and independent I am.  And don’t get me wrong—I am, and I enjoy being defined that way; nevertheless that doesn’t mean there isn’t another side of me that enjoys being treated like a “woman.” I enjoy the company of strong men who know when and how to take the lead–without being overbearing, condescending or arrogant.  A strong man knows how to treat a strong woman.  So yeah, not sure about a second date…like I said no love connection, but I did meet a genuinely nice guy, had a wonderful evening and found out that chivalry wasn’t dead after all.  Who knew?

But at the end of the day…I’m SUCH a romantic.  Hence the reason why this song hits me hard every time I hear it:  Enjoy the video:

Playing Matchmaker…Maybe so!

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So, a very good girlfriend of mine and I have both been in the midst of some tumultuous affairs of the heart as of late.  So in an effort to have some fun and start fresh, we have pledged to play matchmaker for each other.  Sound crazy?  Probably, but I’m game for it.  Listen, it makes sense: we sometimes don’t know what is best for us, while our close friends know exactly what we need (and vice versa).  This little social experiment can’t hurt, especially if I am able to get a few good blogs posts out of the deal (anything that will force me to update on a regular basis can be all bad, right?). 

To kick things off, we are each going to make a list of “deal breakers.”  For example, I CAN’T date him if he is under 5’10 (and that’s being generous…I know, I know, you don’t grow as a person by limiting yourself, but c’mon–I’m 5’9 flat footed and I rarely leave the house w/o 4 inch heels on.  So, give a sista a break).  I am going to be very liberal when it comes to race, ethnicity and cultural background (I may even temporary lift my unofficial ban of West Indian men.  However, the ban on men from Nigeria and Ghana remains (I’m referring to 1st Generation only), I don’t care  how fine they may be–yeah, yeah, yeah, let the hate mail begin but IT IS WHAT IT IS.Anyway. 

Wish me luck.  This should be a very interesting experiment.

Another Dirty Word

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I’m starting to believe that “dating” is a dirty word, something sinister and beguiling. The dating ritual always seems to start off amazing—then the inevitable happens…nothing.

I think I’m just sick of me and ALL of my single female friends singing the same ole song: Boy Meets Girl. Boy pretends to be _____________ (insert applicable characteristic) in order to impress Girl. Girl gets swept up in the moment. Boy reveals true self, Girl is horrified. Girl is back at square one.

I don’t want to date anymore. I want to get married and just deal with the foolishness of one man for the rest of my life. In this case, familiarity will not breed contempt. So, I wait…I’ll have fun in the interim “interviewing” the various prospects that come my way; I’ll just live life in the moment, not really thinking too hard about what the future may hold. I’ll be my fabulous self until God places the right one beside me. No doubt I’ll know him when I see him. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’ve already met him but it wasn’t the right time (well, I know I’ve met my soul mate along the way even if that person doesn’t end up being my husband to be). But we never know what tomorrow may bring.

Side note: What’s hilarious is that there are at least three guys who are probably assuming that I am referring to them in this blog entry…My life is truly a soap opera—dramatic and entertaining.

 

 

Giving Up…Maybe

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wtf1I’ve given up…not on love of course, never that…but I have given up on the possibility of being involved with a well adjusted, attainable and stable man. What do I mean by “well adjusted, attainable and stable man?” I’m so glad you asked that question. I mean I need the exact opposite of what I have been subjected to lately…

For example, if you are a needy man, you need not apply. I can be extremely giving and supportive, but I don’t deify…and sometimes the men that I have had the (mis) fortune of dealing with somehow got the impression that they are the best thing since sliced bread. Like, OMG, really? Brother please. That seems to be a common issue particularly with those gentlemen who work, live and breathe in the entertainment industry. To some extent, I can understand. To survive in this line of business, it is necessary to have a certain amount of drive and confidence…nonetheless, that still doesn’t give you a free pass to act like a complete and utter idiot…

And as far as what I mean by “attainable”, I am simply describing a man who is just that, attainable. Meaning mentally, spiritually and physically he is not tied to someone or something else. That could mean being married or having a girlfriend, that could mean chemically dependent or having credit worst than mine…it covers myriad concerns, lol…

I’m just venting…but in this crazy world of dating and relationships, sometimes you just have to.

Play Me A New Song Please…

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Top 5 Reasons Why I Really Hate Dating Musicians

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5) Immature
They are so used to living their dream sometimes that the realities of life are a bit much. They are still staying up all night, sleeping all day, and waiting for that perfect gig to just fall in their lap.

4) Groupies
Even if the artist/musician/rapper (fill in the blank) is not attractive by societal standards, just by the mere fact that they are in a band, play an instrument or know how to rap, that makes them mad attractive to those I would classify as professional groupies…these women are relentless. While there is no real reason to be jealous of these women, one should still be careful…musicians and groupies operate in symbiotic relationships; it’s almost parasitic and it is always gross.

3) Instability
They are here today and gone tomorrow. Making plans with a music artists is a shot in the dark, your date will also get displaced by a gig, meeting or otherwise “once in a lifetime” opportunity. AND they will always blame you, saying “you never told me we had plans.” Yeah, okay.

2) Arrogant & Self Absorbed
It’s one thing to be confident, in the entertainment business it is a necessary evil sometimes. However, there is a distinct difference between having total and complete belief in your abilities and being an arrogant A@#. Confidence is attractive, arrogance turns my stomach. It’s not cute, it’s downright annoying. In addition, artists also tend to be completely and utterly self-absorbed (this also extends to visual artists, photographers and promoters). Being self absorbed makes trying to make a relationship with that person a complete disaster. Because of the self involvement they are unaware of your needs …and they are always shocked and surprised when you get upset about something. As if to say, “why in the world would someone be angry with me, I never do anything wrong.” Uh huh…This is the reason why Groupies make the perfect girlfriends for these types…they have low emotional expectations and they have no problem listening to you talk incessantly about yourself for hours on end…yawn.

1) They’re Sexy
So you may be thinking, how is this a con? Well, because they are charismatic and generally very, very sexually appealing, we tend to forget all of the other shortcomings and we get sucked in…It’s a circular, deadly phenomenal. So take heed, next time that sexy musician wants to take you out on a date, remember my words of caution, and find someone else to tickle your fancy.