Diary of A Dating Diva

Faith and Fear, the catalysts in relationships (Guest Post)

jameka — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 13:30:31 +0000

Hi Everyone…I’m so pleased to welcome CM Writer as my very first guest blogger. She has a wealth of experience in this arena (and clearly I need it; after all I own a dating blog, but I don’t date, lol. However, that’s another story for another day). I really enjoy CM Writer’s perspective, so I encourage you all to read and comment. Let’s get the discussion popping. And for those in Charlotte, she will also be the featured facilitator on Feb. 20th for our upcoming relationship chat and chew at Red @ 28th in NoDa. Truly a do not miss event:-).

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Faith is the antidote to fear. It works to both protect and push you toward the brighter life you can have. Fear is the poison that binds you to past pains. What do you do when you are afraid? Do you cower in a corner? Run toward safety? Look for an escape? Or do you freeze?

Fear is learned. It comes from bad memories, a reminder of hurts experienced once before. Fear is this uncanny thing that kicks in our most innate fight or flight senses. Being able to react to fear is great for survival. However, most of us want to go above and beyond merely surviving. We want to thrive.

In the relationship realm, we rarely call the feelings that we have “fear”. No. It is “intuition”, “suspicions”, a “sixth sense” or “being perceptive”. All of those things are wonderful, except when the situation does not warrant them.

If you are dealing with an upstanding person, the worst thing you can do is give into your “intuition”. It will have you going through phones, checking Facebook pages, and questioning every move and motive of your mate. There is nothing appealing about being in a relationship with a private eye who only has one case to his or her name…and that case is turning the relationship upside down until everything falls apart. Who wants to grow in love with a snoop?

Fear also has a paralyzing effect. It continuously whispers in your ear all the bad things of your past. People don’t change…he’s just like the last one…Remember you do not want to be hurt again. So you carry the fear of past experiences into your present. You cannot move forward because you have never dealt with the pains of your past. Fear can immobilize you.

Fear blocks the bad AND the good. Fear causes your defense mechanisms to kick in. You have a wall of protection around you, so that no bad can come near you. However, the same wall keeps all good out as well.

Faith operates in the opposite direction of fear with the same good results but none of the bad. Faith comes through learning from the past that no matter what comes your way, you will be okay. Faith is built through trials, and sustained by your endurance.

Faith allows you to open up to be understood and to see others clearly without the muck of the past clouding your vision. Faith allows you to trust earnestly without being blocked by insecurities. Faith is not in the other person, per se. It is in the knowledge that God will see you through any circumstance.

Faith does not lead you to being foolish; it opens you to becoming more aware. Faith gives the benefit of the doubt. Faith protects your heart while easing your mind. Faith provides you stability and security. There is nothing you can go through that will change that, once you have even the smallest amount of faith.

With faith, you don’t have to worry about what a person will do to you. You can actually enjoy the relationship and build a solid foundation. Snooping will never cross your mind. Fear of being hurt will vanish. Intuition will pour out all the senses to finally realize and feel the love and security that is possible.

Faith gives you a hedge of protection, but opens a pathway to your heart.

CM Writer is an attorney and blogger. CM created Your Boyfriend’s Best Girlfriend Blog to showcase her close friendships with men. CM sprinkles her blog with her spiritual upbringing, southern sass, and prissy-nerdy-tomboy charm.

I have a Confession

jameka — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 22:50:05 +0000

Okay, so I don’t really have a confession, but I am excited about a new series of events that my company is producing. We’ve decided to tackle the topic of relationships, which seems to be the ever present elephant in the room. So, if you are in the Charlotte area, please come out and support. AND it’s a fundraiser for a great cause as well. Read all about it below:

A bi-weekly Chat & Chew to discuss relationships in and open, honest, and uncensored environment. Come join us to talk about RELATIONSHIPS in a friendly and mature setting. Similar to a Barbershop or Hair Salon, nothing is off limits!

Tickets are $10 and a portion of the proceeds will be donated to benefit The Red Pump Project-Charlotte to provide HIV/AIDS awareness and education.

Voice your opinion, enjoy light fare, drink specials, network with new people and support a good cause all at once. See you there! Please register and purchase your ticket here.

Feb. 20th Topic

Why Am I Going In Circles? Relationship tips on dating and friendships. How to recognize a great friend or a great lover? Discuss how men and women can identify the differences and build healthy relationships.

Our Special Guest Facilitator: CM Writer (Attorney, Author, Speaker, Columnist, and Relationship Blogger)

Time To Rock The Red! Meet Red Pump Charlotte

jameka — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 19:04:07 +0000

The Red Pump Project – Charlotte invites you to join us for an informational meet and greet on Wednesday, February 1, 2012, from 6:30 – 8:30 pm, at HBAR (inside Hyatt House, formerly Hotel Sierra in Uptown Charlotte).

Red Pump Charlotte is fueled up for a very active 2012, and we need your help in ensuring a successful year! This will be a casual networking exprience in a social atmosphere. While you’re there, you’ll have the opportunity to:

Meet the Red Pump Charlotte Ambassadors
Learn how you can get involved with The Red Pump Project
Learn more about our 2012 programming and chosen beneficiary
Share your ideas on where you would like to see Red Pump Charlotte involved

If you’re interested in getting involved with The Red Pump Project, meet us at HBAR!

As always, Red Pumps and Red Ties are highly encouraged! Please Register for this free event at http://meetredpumpcharlotte.eventbrite.com

The List (2011 Edition)

jameka — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 22:42:41 +0000

We all have our celebrity crushes; I’m just not shy about sharing mine:-). A few years ago, I started making a yearly “list” of famous gentlemen who tickled my fancy. I figured it was time to unveil this year’s compilation. So, why am I doing this–purely for entertainment. Click here to see my pics from a few years ago, some of my favorites made the list again, lol.

Here’s the list, in no particular order…

Denzel Washington

Yes, Denzel is almost old enough to be my father…but I’m saying, there needs to be a law against just how much ‘swag” one man can possess. Like a fine wine.

Channing Tatum

Not sure what it is about him. Classic American looks maybe? Not sure, but I love to see him, well, do anything on screen. Loved him in the movie Fighting.

Jesse Williams

He’s beautiful. Those eyes. That’s all. I’m already a Grey’s Anatomy fan, this just sealed the deal.

LL Cool J

Once I figure out where LL’s fountain of youth is located, I’m going there. He’s an intelligent business man, talented and is a dedicated husband and father. What’s not to like?

Idris Elba

My knees go weak just mentioning the name, looking at a photo or hearing that GORGEOUS accent. I’m determined to have him DJ one of my events just so I can look at him (yeah, I said it).

Common

I have been infatuated with Common since his first album…and even more attracted after learning some key facts: He’s a Christian, well-educated and a vegan (or strict vegetarian, either way I’ll take it). A man who loves the Lord and eats how I eat, YES!

Matthew McConaughey

A country boy with soul. Love it.

Lenny Kravitz

He’s the quintessential rock star. AND the only man who gets a free pass to wear skinny jeans.

Joe Manganiello

I’ve watched True Blood since the series began, he’s the reason why I continued to watch when he joined the cast. He’s also done some non-profit work and supports the fight against HIV/AIDS.

Tyson Beckford

I have had a crush on Tyson since the first time I saw his photo. He’s a super model for sure, but there’s also a delicate yet rugged quality about him. And I also love chocolate skin.

Note: copyrights belong to the respective owners of all photos. Posting does not constitute ownership of any images.

Awareness is Sexy!

jameka — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 15:49:56 +0000

I certainly have my personal hit list–the qualities and characteristics that I find most alluring about the opposite sex–but as I head into the third year of planning for my World AIDS Day event, I must say, out of everything, I find awareness mad sexy. Awareness about education, awareness about social issues awareness about what is going on in the world…not just sports and music (although, per a recent twitter conversation, you need to be into music and sports for me to find you attractive, lol). However, ultimately, I find a man who is well versed about how to keep himself safe as well as those around him absolutely beautiful. Men who aren’t afraid of abstinence and are proud to wait for the right one. Men who aren’t afraid to say, no, we can’t do this without a condom. Men who will go with you to get that all important HIV test. Men who understand that awareness, especially when it comes to reproductive and sexual health is always a top priority and not an afterthought. Men who know how to lead in all aspects of their lives: spiritually, physically and mentally.

We need our men to support us. Join me on December 1st as we celebrate life and bring some awareness and education about HIV/AIDS in our community. This fight is still on…pretending it doesn’t exist will not make it go away. I hope to see every man in my life there, rocking a red tie in support:-)

Tickets: http://2011redpumpredtieaffair.eventbrite.com

Men, Men and More Men: Best Bachelor Auction Ever 2011

jameka — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 16:51:39 +0000

So, Kim over at Metro Proponent has done it again. She is bringing us a night of fun philanthropy. Ladies, come out, bid on some single guys while supporting a great cause…If nothing else, enjoy some yummy eye candy–you know we can all use a dose of that:-)

The Best Bachelor Auction Ever 2011: Ladies support the cause & show who’s the BOSS!

Would you like to see your brand logo on the big screens at the Best bachelor Auction Ever 2011? Also, in the gift bags, on the flyers, in the Metro Proponent, and passed out at the event? Sponsorships are needed to provide dates for the bachelors and winning bidders.

WHAT: Charity Bachelor Auction benefitting youth affected by domestic violence and Thomas Davis Defending Dreams Foundation.

WHEN: November 10, 2011 7pm

WHERE: Kalu (505 East 6^th Street, Charlotte NC 28202)

WHO: Charlotte’s most eligible and desired bachelors~ and YOU! WITH DJ A ROCK!

WHY: Networking, Philanthropic Efforts, Good Times, and Food! (All winning-bidding ladies will receive an all expensed paid date compliments of our sponsors.)

No More Special Treatment

jameka — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 17:43:52 +0000

Today’s post comes from a very real and personal place for me. Ladies–and I’m including myself–we have got to stop bestowing special treatment on men who have either (a) have not put any effort into gaining that designation or (b) flat out don’t deserve it.

Example: I can be very accommodating to the people in my close circle. I am a listening ear, shoulder when needed, idea generator, caregiver, whatever, I’m that person. And yes, we should be that for our friends, regardless if it is reciprocated in the way that we would like (after all, you can only control your own actions, thoughts and perceptions). However, we must be careful when we provide that type of comfort for our male friends. I often get into the habit of treating my male friends like boyfriends (minus the intimacy)…and recently, I had a light bulb moment, this has to stop. What has any of these men done to deserve that type of time and energy from me. They get all the perks without any of the commitment or accountability, with the excuse “We’re just friends.” With the “friends” designation, there are no guidelines or expectations. And I’m not cool with that. It’s definitely not the guys’ fault. Who wouldn’t want all that great attention, thoughtfulness, and even “just wishing you a great day” phone calls and texts–especially when you don’t have to do anything for it? It’s completely my fault.

So today moving forward, for the men in my life, I am going to treat you as what you are…a friend, without the special treatment that should reserved for those who are actually interested and WANT to shower me with the same care, attention and thoughtfulness that I’m willing, able and often available to give.

As with most things that are highly enjoyable in life, you will need to work hard to reap the benefits, nothing good comes easy…

The Intro MatchMakers: Something New For The QC

jameka — Fri, 10 Jun 2011 17:09:56 +0000

New Matchmaking and Personal Concierge Service

Makes Life and Love Easier for Charlotte-Area Executives

The Intro MatchMakers Officially Opens for Business in the Queen City June 24

Charlotte, NC—June 10, 2011—The Intro Matchmakers was created with a simple goal in mind—to make the lives of busy professionals easier both personally and professionally. The Intro provides personalized and private matchmaking and concierge services to the city’s most elite executives. The Intro will celebrate its official launch in the Queen City with an intimate, private invite-only reception in Uptown Charlotte the evening of June 24.

The Intro is a personal matchmaking and concierge firm bringing together love and elite lifestyle services to career-focused professionals, executives and professional athletes. The company offers exclusive memberships to only the most accomplished individuals seeking a happy and healthy relationship with someone special. The Intro’s confidential one-on-one approach allows for privacy and discretion in that search for companionship and love. Their clients have high standards, and with the help of The Intro MatchMakers, they are able to connect with high-caliber prospective partners. It’s not about just meeting people; The Intro helps their clientele meet the right people.

The Intro MatchMakers is about convenience, exclusivity and luxury. Whether you are a busy executive looking for love or a reliable concierge service to help maintain your lifestyle, the dedicated and experienced staff of The Intro will be an invaluable resource. In addition to Charlotte, The Intro also services the greater metropolitan areas of Atlanta, Miami and Washington, DC. To learn more about what The Intro offers, please visit www.intromatchmakers.com or call 800-661-1514 to schedule a consultation.

To celebrate the official launch, a handpicked and select group of Charlotte’s elite are invited to a private reception where they will learn about the company and be personally introduced to The Intro co-owners Yolanda Hayes and LaPhaedra Howard. The guest list is invite-only for this event. There will be events open to the general public in the future. For media inquiries or interview requests, contact Jameka Whitten at 704.261.5290 or Jameka@jswmediagroup.com.

Rumors

jameka — Fri, 20 May 2011 18:10:53 +0000

I’ve been getting a lot of questions lately about some of my recent blog posts, FB status updates and Twitter comments. Apparently, I’ve been discussing relationships, good men and marriage WAY TOO MUCH…so much in fact that everyone wants to know who is the guy and am I getting serious. So, to set the record straight…there is no boyfriend, no secret fiance or even a “buddy.”

I’m just in a very happy place…a place where I am secure, I know what I want, but I am also patient enough to let God send it in the right time, at the right moment. AND I just happen to be an over the top romantic—and when you are a romantic at heart, guess what, you like to talk about romance, dating, relationships, and yes, even marriage (hence the whole point of my blog).

So, again, I’m not secretly planning a wedding of my own…I’m just enjoying being a well-adjusted single woman in my mid 30′s who is doing her absolute best to put God first…it seems to be working, so far…so good!

Anticipation

jameka — Tue, 03 May 2011 19:49:18 +0000

I enjoy being in love. It’s fun, it’s stimulating, and it’s comforting. However, as I have matured, my anticipation for love has more permanent expectations attached to it. I still want the excitement, the flirting, the butterflies—but I also want the other stuff too. Primarily, a man who is strong enough to handle my submission to him. All right ladies, don’t ring the alarm just yet because I used the word submit. If we are to be true helpmates in the way that I believe God intended…that means submission. Now submission does not equal degradation, weakness or some other erroneous negative connotation. If it makes you feel better, substitute the word for deference, which means the willful submission of one’s will to the wishes of another.

This is why I said “a man who is strong enough to handle my submission to him.” My future husband has to be of strong mind yet be confident and sensitive enough to lead. A strong, Spirit-filled, God loving man, who has submitted himself to Christ will know exactly how to treat me…that in turn alleviates my fear of choosing the wrong man…he will be lead to me, and God will give him the green light saying there she is…Friend, Lover, Mother to your children and Partner. I am perfectly content with continuing to work on my life, both personally, professionally and most importantly spiritually until said time…I’m not chasing; it’s not necessary nor it is what I am supposed to do.

Anticipation of the good that is to come is a very, very beautiful thing.

Enjoy the musical accompaniment; the lyrics “Why I love you so much” say it all♥